Why Spouses Should Preplan Their Funerals Together

Why Spouses Should Preplan Their Funerals Together

When you make a life together with someone, their death affects you on every level. Not only do you have to navigate the complex feelings of grief that come from losing someone you love, but you must also manage some substantial financial and lifestyle changes.

All of that can make funeral planning an overwhelming experience for a surviving spouse. One of the kindest and most loving things you can do for your partner is to preplan your funeral to alleviate this burden from them. By encouraging your spouse to sit down with you today, while you're healthy and clear-headed, you can each think through your final wishes and make a plan that will put both of your minds at ease.

Here are three big reasons to consider planning for goodbye, together:

You can get on the same page about your wants 

Talking about death is hard. But losing a spouse with no idea how to honor their memory is even harder. When a loved one passes away, you don't want the stress of second-guessing every choice and wondering what they wanted. You don't want to leave that kind of ambiguity behind for the people you care about, either. It's far better to have an open and frank discussion about your wishes, even if it feels a little awkward or vulnerable in the beginning.

Do you want to be buried or cremated? Are you expecting to share adjacent burial plots with your spouse? If they want their ashes scattered over the Sandias and you want a traditional burial, are you both okay with that? Do they have any cultural or religious traditions you might not know about that their family will expect you to honor? Is there a hymn you secretly despise that you need them to promise not to play at the funeral ceremony?

Whatever your preferences, whether big or small, talking them through with the person you love is important. It will help you plan out your final goodbye and also help you learn more about each other. It might even bring you closer together.

Preplanning helps to avoid conflict

Sometimes having friends and family chime in with their ideas is a welcome reprieve from the stress of planning everything yourself. But sometimes, it can open the door to conflict and frustration. Your spouse's parents, your grown children, well-meaning but overbearing aunts, and even ex-partners might all have ideas and opinions about how your loved one should be laid to rest.

Having your partner put their wishes in writing with the funeral home in advance can shield you from some of this meddling. It's much harder to argue with a plan someone has already mapped out and paid for, and you'll be able to point to their plan and say, without question, “This is what they wanted.” For some family circumstances, this can be a huge relief.

And if you do want input from friends and family? You can always consult them in advance. There's nothing wrong with asking your kids what kind of ceremony they would find the most meaningful or discussing burial plots with your in-laws. In fact, having these discussions now with the most important people in your life can help alleviate a lot of stress in the future.

You can save money and budget for your future

Marriage is about love and commitment. But it's also about building a life together, which means practical things like managing finances. If you're a dual-income household, losing a spouse's income can be a significant blow.

Having to find money to cover funeral expenses makes it even harder. Planning for the cost in advance and working it into your budget now, rather than scrambling to afford it in the moment, can give you a sense of financial peace.

Even if you have life insurance, the plan may not pay out in time to cover your final expenses. That money might also be better spent helping your spouse handle other financial obligations, such as taking time off work, paying medical bills and other debt, selling the house, or anything else. Instead of counting on insurance to cover everything, it's a good idea to set some dedicated money aside to pay for the funeral.

Funeral homes provide payment plans, allowing you to pay for your funeral in advance without breaking the bank. When you arrange directly with the funeral home, you lock in the price of your service and protect against inflation and price increases, so there aren't any surprises for your loved ones later. The money you save planning this way can go toward your spouse's needs after you're gone.

It's never too early to start thinking about end-of-life planning. If you need help figuring out how to broach the topic with your spouse, or if you're ready to begin preplanning together, French Funerals & Cremations can help. Contact us today to speak with one of our preplanning specialists. We'll meet with you and your spouse at your home, our office, or wherever is most comfortable for you and help you plan for greater peace of mind.